Exhaustion

Exhaustion doesn't even begin to cut it with what I am feeling right now.  We moved offices yet again!  Hard, back breaking, do it yourself moving.  I have carried so many boxes from up the street back into the main office today, who needs weight training!  

Actually if truth be known I would have flagged a lot sooner than I did, and the boxes, even those holding 6 or 8 reams of paper which were darn heavy, I was able to lug up the road.  Physically exerted today.

And now the unpacking!  Urrgh.

So a bit of a red flag time of it for me.  I work in HR and our office is shutting, actually all the regional offices for our company are closing their doors and being swallowed up by a central area in Melbourne.  So there's been some fairly stressful times in the past year knowing this was to come to fruition.  Thankfully we have been offered other roles, and I'm going from a HR Practitioner (what a fancy schmancy name they call us for Personnel & Payroll Officer) to an Executive Support for the head honcho.  So I landed on my feet luckily, to a role I will enjoy.

But still it came to 5pm and even though I was fatigued, I still went to the gym and pounded out 3km on the treadmill (actually it was a pounding run/walk) and then decided to do some weights as well.  And through all the tiredness, I left the gym feeling quite energised.  It's funny how that happens, isn't it?

Weigh in yesterday, actually I got mistracked on weigh in, I think the public holiday on Monday has screwed my week up royally in my head.  So I weighed in today instead.

700 gram gain.  OMG!  

Backtrack to last weekend.  On Saturday, after hubby's pipeband finished playing at an Australia Day event, there was a bit of an impromptu get together dinner for the pipe major as it was his 75th birthday.  It was at an amazing pizza Thai noodle place.  I was already cringing with what I was going to eat.  Then I was pleasantly surprised they had a Thai warm chicken salad on the menu.  Score!  So I ordered that.

What came to my plate was nothing like I imagined.  Yep there was lettuce and some segments of tomatoes, and flavoured with oregano, but the chicken were almost minced up bits of chicken, not at all what I expected.  It was drenched in this saucy dressing, which I figured at least it wasn't creamy.  

So the next morning as I'm apt to do I weighed myself to find a flipping 1.5 kg gain!  

W ... T ... F ????????!!!!!!!!!

I jumped off the scales and jumped on again.  Yep I was up 1.5 kg.  Surely the chicken salad couldn't have done that.  I'd eaten clean all week, I'd exercised, heck I ran 4 times last week.  So Sunday onwards I have been extra vigilant and it's slowly come down, to only a 700gram gain.  

So people, if it was the Thai salad dish that did this, just remember with eating, that food isn't always what it seems.  And if it wasn't that meal and it's actually me and me alone, come on body, get with the program!!

Later.

Now I'm seeing things!

So I was standing at the deli today to get some fish for dinner tonight, and I spot a sign on the wall behind the counter and instantly my hairs pricked up.  Yippee.

"IGA Fun Runs"

Woo hooo.  More fun runs to enter hosted by the local supermarket.  I started doing a little seal clap in my mind (yep, I'm known for clapping like a seal when I get excited), until I read the sign again.  It actually said "IGA Fun Days".

Have I turned the corner with running that I'm loving it so much that I'm making up non-existent fun runs now?  Oh my gosh how funny that was.  Either that or I seriously need glasses.

I'm loving running at every opportunity now, little by little.  I'm finding my legs are giving out before my lungs though.  One of the fellows from my work who is a serious runner has told me to "get more miles in your legs" and it will happen.  I think more so, I'm loving the running app I have downloaded.  I love to run to that next 5 minutes so the lady inside the app inside my phone inside my pocket, are you following me??  :-) can tell me how far I've run and what my average pace is, so each five minutes I can run that much further and harder and beat my pace.  Got to love a psychological competition like that.

The thing I love best of all, is after I run through the gate and up our diveway (to the imaginary cheers of the crowd!!, or at least I know I impress the dogs) that moment when I'm absolutely spent, and wringing wet from sweat, but I feel oh so alive.  It's a spectacular feeling.

LOVE THAT!   YEAH!!


Just as a shout out:   I had a couple of comments recently from someone "Ingi Mc" who invited me to look at her blog.  Can you link me up in the comments, would love to see it.  Your name link just went to a Google+ site and there were no posts.  ???

Support

I briefly mentioned support in my last post and I wanted to delve into that a bit more.  Yes when you are on any weight loss, healthy, fitness plan it is a solitary venture, no matter if you are part of a bigger group, because ultimately you are responsible for yourself and no one can do this for you.

But what you can do is surround yourself with positivity.  The support you can get from friends and loved ones, and heck, total strangers, still amazes me.  And if it's not forthcoming of its own accord, I am not backwards in coming forwards and asking for it now.

* Mish and the 12wbt team give us the tools to succeed.
* We have the power in our hands.
* But to have the will to follow it through, takes courage and commitment.

So support comes to me in many forms:

Mish and her videos, I know lots of people do 12wbt each round, but I swear she is talking just to me.  :-). It feels like it anyway.

The 12wbt forum and support crew.  So much encouragement, and usually no matter what the question or problem there's someone on team who have been there done that and can assist, and in turn I can assist others.

The fabulous girls of the Warrnambool & Surrounds 12wbt crew.  Every day checking in with them, supporting each other with our goals, partaking of activities, exercise and meet ups.  The support I get from them is second to none.

My bestie Sonia from Tasmania, both going through our own individual journeys on different plans, I can't wait till we see each other again to celebrate our achievements.

This blog and the other blogs I read, it's a great way to connect with others going through the program and the same path.  And I've made some new friends through blogging.

My own personal friends from further afield who are going through 12wbt as well ... Yes you Kylie and Trace.  Love that you are having successes too.

My friends here in town who don't pressure me to have "just a little bite of this" or "just a little taste of that" even on our girls weekends away.

My mum who may not voice it often but I know she tells everyone who will listen as to my latest fitness exploits and how much I've lost, which I'm sure they are heartily sick of!!

And finally Mike, he has put up with my bad moods, my insecurities, my questions of if my bum looks big in this (there is just no right answer a guy can give to that question), he has waited patiently while I've exercised, eaten the food I've prepared, or made his own dinner if he wanted something else, has listened to me endlessly talking about Mish and 12wbt, and has been in my corner every step of the way.

I think it's important to acknowledge the support I get, because to acknowledge it means I've recognized it and the important role it plays in my continued success.

THANK YOU ALL.

Transformation : Face

Happy Australia Day everyone.  I hope that you've had a wonderful day and enjoyed the company of friends and family.  

I took my little training buddy for 3km walk up and down hills this morning.  We didn't set any records what with having to stop and pee at just about every lamp post (the dog, not me!!).  But what I did want to try out was the app I now have on my phone Runkeeper.   It worked a charm.  I love that every five minutes a voice tells you how long you've been walking or running, the distance you've travelled and what your pace is.    Plus you have the whole GPS map thing happening which was so accurate it even showed me on the map having walked at one stage from the middle of the road (which folk tend to do where I live, being that there are no paths) to the verge, when a car did come by. 

How this came to be, me even knowing about Runkeeper, was with my new found interest of running, one of the ladies at my work suggested I join their running group.  As in they have a facebook group that checks in with each other in an effort for each to run or walk 1000 kilometres in a year.   They are very encouraging as well, even to newbies like me running piddling amounts compared to their marathon type runs.  

Thinking 1000 kilometres may be impossible, but you know, when you break it down, it's only about 2.75 kilometres a day.  That's actually doable.    I've come in half way through January so I'm already behind the 8 ball.   But with Runkeeper you can track your runs.  You don't even have to have it on at the time, you can manually update afterwards.  So it's keeping a running total for me.

I'm very lucky with the support I get throughout this journey I am on.  I may talk about that in a future post.

So anyway ... TRANSFORMATION : FACE.   We were down at Australia Day festivities today while Mike played in the pipe band.  On the way back to the car I had him take a photograph of me, so I could compare it with one he took last year when we went to the muster.  

It's quite confronting looking at both photos side by side and I don't mind admitting I've shed a little tear tonight looking at them.  I hadn't even yet started 12wbt at that stage, I started in Round 2 of 2012 in May.   And even that makes me sad that I waited around (wasted) another 3 months of my life in that unhappy state.  So that's a lesson to be learnt in itself, and one that I will never repeat.  No more waiting around till tomorrow for something I want to happen today.  :-)

Transformation : hair

I've never really been that adventurous with my hair.  Getting foils is like walking on the wild side for me!  I have a hair dresser, she's a flipping magician really, always asking ... BEGGING actually ... to let her do something different with my hair.  Now considering that she has blue hair herself, many piercings and tattoos (and as of last weekend became a Tough Mudder no less), her idea of different and my idea of different may be two entirely different differents!!  So to date I've told her thanks but no thanks.

But something came over me yesterday when I visited the salon.   I had been pinning some short hair on pinterest and so it had been in the back of my mind.  And I sat and said "do it".  She looked at me agog.  And I said "do whatever you want".

Let's face it, what's it worth, we're transforming our bodies, so why not transform our whole look.   I think that might be a bit of my problem, sometimes I still feel fat.  I know I'm not, well not as much anyway, I'm fitting into just about mostly 14's now.  But I still feel like the same old me at times.   But that may be because I'm looking into the mirror and seeing the same old me, albeit a smaller version of the same old me, but me nonethless.  My face hasn't really changed.  Well the size of it has, and the double (sometimes triple) chin has gone, but the face package of me hasn't really changed.

So I decided to go different and she worked her magic yet again.  Still movement in it, but it's short and I love it.  And I did so enjoy copping all the compliments I got from work today.

Maybe *NOW* I will accept that the WHOLE me is changing, transforming, growing.

Woooo woooooo!

I got wolf whistled today by a stranger, a mechanic working in a garage. Should I be affronted??  Hell no, I was going to do a blockie and walk past again!!

I do believe this is a first.  I have NEVER been wolf whistled by a stranger before.  Go me !! 

Couldn't wait to get home and tell hubby. ;-) 

Running with the Bulls

Oh yeah!

So this afternoon seemed like a great afternoon to go for a jog.  I announced to Mike that in preparation for the Market to Mount fun run next month, I might see if I can run up Mt. Noorat.  Don't get excited, it's not that big, but it would be a good training run.  Being that both of us have never gone up the Mt. Noorat walking track before, Mike said he'd come as well.  I could jog while he would walk and take photos, some inspiration for his oil paintings that he likes to do.  Win - win.

It was quite warm, I knew it would be, so I had slopped on the sunscreen.  But OH GOD THE FLIES!!!  I'm glad I'm not a vegetarian because the amount of flies I snarfed up my nose and in my mouth as I was running was nothing short of phenomenal.  I wonder if Mish's calorie counter has the count for flies, hmmmm?

Now this is private property and it's so very good of the owner to allow the public to use this, but the track, well it wasn't much of a track in parts, my legs are now scratched from the undergrowth in the scrubby bits, and stupid me didn't even think of the possibilities of snakes.  Giving me the heebie jeebies thinking of it now though.

But I was going great guns, got out of the scrubby bit and then came to face off with a bull guarding his bit of the track.  Well I thought it was a cow to start with until he stood up.  There were three others like him just up on the left.  Hmmmm, what to do?  I don't actually know how fast bulls can run, but then again I have seen the running with the bulls in Pamplona on telly and they look like they can run pretty fast.   

Okay, take stock of the situation.  Mike had caught up to me by this stage.  I asked whether he thinks we should just wander past the bull and his three mates and he reckoned if it was him alone he would (yeah right, big brave man, easy to say now) but me being Miss Scaredy Pants at the time decided not to.

OKAY DON'T JUDGE ME PEOPLE!!!   He was an angry assed bull,you didn't see his eyes as he stared at me daring me to run past him.  Truly!

Hey and I'm not kidding, there really is a teeny tiny track in there, can you see me? ha!  Why oh why wasn't I thinking snakes when I was there, this is truly giving me the scares now seeing where I was standing with bare legs! 

So disappointment aplenty we drove back home, but decided to stop at the lake, so whilst Mike lounged in the car and listened to the radio, I ran two laps of the lake, so all was not lost.

The kitchen smells delicious right now, I've just made a batch of banana bread (which I make in muffin tins) so I'll have breakfast sorted for some time to come now.  Enjoy your week.

Changes

I want to talk about changes in this post.  Some small perhaps insignificant changes, some big mind-blowing ones.  It's been taking my mind some time to decipher a lot of them, so I thought if I process out loud, so to speak, on the blog, it might help me make sense of them.

The main change I noticed this week...
You might be forgiven for thinking I'm doing a rendition of "Stop in the name of love" a la Diana Ross in this photograph, but do you notice anything strange?   I'm now wearing my wedding/engagement rings on my middle finger.  They've gotten so loose now that I'm afraid with one sweeping gesture of my hand they'll go flying off.  In any case they've been twisting and rolling around my ring finger quite uncomfortably and it's been driving me nuts, so I've resorted to wearing them on my middle finger.  This is a huge change for me, if you've been reading along on the blog I mentioned some time ago when I was at my heaviest how I used to have to hold my hand up in the air for about five minutes of a night to let the blood drain from my finger to be able to get my rings off.

The big snore...
Apparently (and I use the term APPARENTLY) I used to snore with the resonance that would shake walls.  Mike stopped short of saying it was my weight that was making me snore, good husband that he is, but I remember a time many months ago that I woke in the middle of the night and he wasn't in bed with me.  I walked down to the lounge room and saw him asleep on the couch.  He sheepishly told me the next morning he slept down there on the other side of the house because I was snoring.  When I quizzed him why he didn't sleep in a perfectly good bed in the spare room, he told me I was snoring so loudly it was reverberating through the walls.  And yet probably only 2 months into my first round of 12wbt, my snoring miraculously disappeared overnight.  Weightloss?  Coincidence?  Miracle?  You be the judge.

Who's that girl...
I caught sight of myself in the reflection of a window the other day and I honestly did not recognise myself.  As I was walking I had to keep checking myself out, oh how vain.  Of course I see myself in the mirror when I'm getting ready for work, or at the gym on the equipment.  But it was just that quick glimpse in the reflection of a shop window, that quick on the go glimpse, that had me realising just what I looked like now.  I think I walked six foot tall for the rest of the day.

I'm not invisible any more...
Now either the traffic is getting way more considerate or I've all of a sudden taken off my cloak of invisibility, because when I'm walking down the street I'm finding drivers are actually waving me to walk across the road when I'm waiting to walk across at a roundabout.  That would never happen pre-12wbt.  I could stand on a street in the pouring rain and no one would stop to let me across.   And I won't take the full credit, in case I've been caught up in a huge TAC campaign for courteous drivers, but it's happened on so many occasions now I have to think perhaps people are really seeing me.

Yum...
My taste buds have changed.  I'm loving mixing flavours and herbs and spices and I'm enjoying eating things I wouldn't previously have touched.   And I'm sitting down and really tasting my food.  No more sitting on the couch in front of the telly, well mostly not anyway.  We set a place at the dinner table and actually look at each other when we're eating, it's been nice.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T...
I surprised myself the other day.  Something occurred in our office from a "visitor" that was very disrespectful to the three of us working there.   And I stood up for myself and made myself heard.   Surprised the heck out of me and the others in the office, I wondered where the confidence came from.  But I had my say and even though it probably didn't change things, I was glad that I was heard.  I was shaking by the end of it when I spoke up, but I'm not a doormat any more.

Relationships...
I can honestly say that my relationship with my husband has never been better.  Okay peeps, look away now if this is too much information, but freaking heck, he can't keep his hands off me.  I am now smaller in size than my husband has ever known me.  It's like we're discovering ourselves all over again.  Corny, but is it possible we are we falling in love again?  I don't know if these old bones can take it!  :-)

The outdoors...
I used to be a homebody couch sloth.  There, I've said it.  But okay, I still am a homebody, I love nothing more than to potter around home.  But I'm also loving the great outdoors.  I love getting out and about in the fresh air, feeling invigorated.  And to acknowledge it's so great to be active, healthy and alive!

Appearance...
I've noted that as I'm losing weight I'm taking way more care with myself, including a good skin care routine (whereas before it would be a scrub of the face and a slap of moisturiser), selecting the clothes I'm wearing to work rather just popping on whatever was closest that would fit me, enjoying my new shape with clothes. And having said that a huge shout out to a workmate Sharon, who is also doing 12wbt.  I am now apparently at the weight where she started her journey and she gave me a huge bag of clothes to go through and keep whatever I may need.  Although I have bought a few bits and pieces over the three rounds, I've not spent much at all (read: I've bought el cheapo getting by clothes), I now have some great quality well fitting clothes.  It's such a psychological boost to be wearing something that fits, rather than saggy baggy.  So thank you Sharon.

Encouragement...
I got a phone call from my bestie late the other night, and I know she'll be reading this.  I no sooner picked up the phone and I heard "I really hate you, but you know I love you, but I really REALLY hate you right now, even though I love you."  What the heck was Sonia on?  Then she told me she'd read my blog and my plan of fun runs and it motivated her enough to get on the treadmill there and then and run 2 kilometres.   Now bear in mind my bestie lives in Tasmania, so I don't get to see her very often at all (apart from Facetime, got to love Facetime!!!) but the encouragement she has been giving me, whilst she is on her own weight loss/fitness journey,  is nothing short of phenomenal.   So thank you Sonia.  Actually that wasn't a change, Sonia has always been encouraging, but I just wanted to put it out there.

So I guess the purpose to this post was to recognise the changes that are happening, embrace them, learn from them, love them and keep moving forward.

Goals

I've always been a bit of a wing and a prayer girl, and apart from just hoping I get through yet another year, I've sadly not been much of a goal setter.  Just aimlessly wandering through life and taking things as they come.  Then where does it get you?  Twenty years down the track and 40 kg heavier and wondering how on earth that happened.

And now all that has changed ... thanks Mish!   I'm quite enjoying putting things on my list and ticking them off once achieved.  Thinking grand and then working out how to get there.  Building my training up like little building blocks until I think WOAH, did I just run all those kms, or did I just lift that weight, or hey was that just me looking back from the window reflection! tee hee.

So after that wonderful feeling that I would just love to bottle from the Surf T Surf fun run, who ever thought a feeling of exhaustion could feel so good!!?? I have started thinking further afield.  Armed with Google, advice from friends, and general chit chat, I have set up some running goals that I want to be able to work towards, with an ultimate goal just over 12 months from now.

* Sunday 17th February 2013
Market to Mount Fun Run (5km)
A run from the Derrinallum Recreation Reserve, through town, to the top of Mount Elephant.   Yep, well there's a grand plan finishing with a grueling run up a volcano nearing the end of the 5k.

* Friday 22nd February 2013
Noorat to Terang (5km)
In my early plans this was going to be my first fun run, well I got ahead of myself a couple of weeks ago and so glad I did.  I'll be a bit more seasoned in this one.  From all indications, this one is a bit low key, you register on the evening and I quite fancy thinking I will be running from one town to another town.

* Sunday 26th May 2013
Run the Gap (6km)
Looking at the photograph on the first page of this website, this is quite a different run, seeing the girls wearing gloves, jacket and beanie.  Yep, I imagine it will be cold in Halls Gap in May.  I have always loved Halls Gap, actually Mike and I have quite often mentioned we would move there in a heart beat.  So I love the idea of doing a fun run in this very special place.

* August 2013
Goal :  Be able to run 7km non-stop.

* Sunday 17th November 2013
Run Geelong (6km)
I would love to do a fun run in my old home town.  And if truth be known, it's more so that my mum and possibly my in-laws might be standing at the finish line and see me finish.  Yep, 48 years old and still want mum to be proud.

* December 2013
Goal:  Be able to run 10km non-stop

* Sunday 5th January 2014
Surf T Surf (10km)
Yes I plan to try the iconic Warrnambool fun run once again.  But this time attempt the 10km.  Possible?  Who knows.  It would be a great test with my next big grand plan just round the corner.

* February 2014
Goal:  Be able to run 12.5 km non-stop

* March 2014
Run for the Kids (15km)
I was talking to my friend Sharon at work today and she runs this race and said it's such a fantastic feeling, you get to run in places that are usually off-limits to foot traffic, and it's quite emotional running for such a good cause.  I instantly knew as we were talking that this was it, this was my 12 month (or a wee bit over) grand plan.


WOAH!  I look like I'm turning into an all or nothing kind of girl.  But there's the plan.  Pie in the sky stuff?  Who knows.  As long as these 48 year old legs hold out or my "hinges" don't ache, that's the grand plan.  I showed Mike before and he looked at it goggle eyed.  Not in awe at my running hopes, wants and dreams.  But the thought of all that waiting around for me to finish!  Gotta love the support crew.

Emazon

Wow, it was a pretty full on afternoon yesterday with Emazon.  I was lucky enough to be a participant in her Stand Your Ground 1 workshop in Hamilton.  Apart from seeing the You Tube videos I really didn't know what to expect.  When a blonde woman with a husky kind of voice entered the room with such presence, I just knew this was she.

Presence, yep that's what I would call it.  Without sounding naff, there was almost an aura about her.  There was no mistaking she was in total control and really wanted us all to get the best out of ourselves.  We went on a journey almost from A to Z on a jet plane.  From self doubt and loathing and lots of emotions like that, I think we all came out of it at the end with a positiveness for the future, knowing we had the ability to change, knowing we had the ability to block out the negativity and let in only the positivity, knowing it was okay to say no, it was okay to want and EXPECT the best.  It's all so hard to explain.  It's more so a feeling I have right now, an excitement if that makes sense at all, and a hope I can put into practice the sense of self that I left with.

As for the physical fight training, oh my goodness, I never knew I had it in me.  It was pretty full on and by the end I was gasping for breath, physically spent, wringing wet from sweat and felt so pumped up like Rocky Balboa after a championship fight, it was incredible.  I have never boxed so hard, hit another person so hard (don't worry, she was protected, and I really don't have any experience of hitting a person like that anyway), and at all times being present in the moment with a clarity I found astounding.

I just know that all of this goes hand in hand with the work I'm doing on my weight.   It's all connected - mind - body - siprit.  That's why I feel like this time it's different, this up and down yo yo I've been on all my life is stopping and this time ... THIS TIME ... I'm fixing myself, all parts of myself.  Anyone can follow a diet, anyone can follow an exercise plan.  But it's the head stuff that has done me in each and every time.  

Between Michelle Bridges and 12wbt and Emazon and my own work on myself, I just know that this time I will succeed.  I already am.

Groove to the Music

Ha!  Nothing could be further from the truth for me.  I am just a wee bit un-co.

It amazed me last week at the Surf T Surf just how many people run wearing headphones.  When I queried our 12wbt ladies that were running with headphones I got an astounding yes! that running to music really helps.    Hmmmm.

Now I do have an ipod but more often than not I'm listening to a talking book or crafty podcast when driving in my car, but I do have a few odd pieces of music on my ipod, so tonight at the gym I decided to give it a go.

Usually I get to the gym, hop up on the treadmill and pound it out watching the efforts of Ridge and Brooke and the Forrester clan, yes I know, pathetic huh?  But tonight after work they didn't get a look in.  I popped in the earphones, found my music and off I went.  Well I kept running but needed to switch to the next piece, hmmm too slow, okay try the next one, nope that's not suitable either.  I realised tonight that I have a taste in slow music, not at all foot-tapping-run-inducing music.

Then all of a sudden a piece came on ... and I really can't believe I am going to admit this here, but Glen Miller and his Swing Band.  Yeah yeah, shoot me will ya, I have him on my ipod.  And all of a sudden I ran to the beat, and it was great.  Every down beat my left foot hit the treadmill and it was so rhythmic, I loved it.    And it worked.

Until the next piece came on and then I realised it's really REALLY hard to run to a syncopated swing piece, all of a sudden I found myself almost skipping and tripping trying to find the down beat and my run was all off.  I dread to think that I must have looked like, as if I was having a fit trying to find the beat.  Oh well, if they check out the CTV I'll give them a laugh at their staff Christmas party!

Soooooo, mission this weekend, find some good running music and make a mix up on my ipod.  Any suggestions?

All was not lost, I did another PB at the gym, ran 4 kilometres non stop in 35 minutes.  Okay so I'm not cracking any land speed records, but it was non-stop!!!!!  I even had to reset the treadmill when it went into auto cool down at the 30 minute mark, and pump it back up again.  I was a lather of sweat, even my shoulders and arms were drenched.  But boy!  I felt alive.

Just quietly - I think I've turned a corner.

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to doing a Stand Your Ground workshop with Emazon.  Remember the scary lady from The Biggest Loser?  The one in the caged boxing ring?  Well I'm going to her session tomorrow to assist me in transforming my life for health, weight loss, self image, confidence, self authority and to resolve destructive behaviour.  Sounds pretty full on.  Can't wait.

Check it out here to learn more:

Love that it is about mind, body, spirit - that's what I'm on about with this journey.   :-)

Mish the relationship counsellor

12wbt is a program like no other.  It works on the food, it works on the health, it works on the fitness, it works on the body, it works on the mind.  Such an all round program.  But I wonder if Mish realises how far reaching the program is, it is working on family relationships too.

It's no secret to my close friends the at times tumultuous relationship I have had with my mother in recent years.  Don't get me wrong, I love her, but there were a lot of things said and done a number of years ago and things have never quite been the same with us since.

I didn't realise way back then that dad was the glue that held our family together until one day he was not with us. I guess added to the emotional turmoil was not just that dad had passed away, but that he passed away on Christmas Day.  So every year when Christmas came around, emotions were heightened anyway, and every year then when mum pushed us, or more particularly me, away, it hurt.  You hurt the ones you love?  Isn't that what they say.

A wise friend once said to me ... yes you Kylie and I hold these words very close to me ... that I can't change my mum's behaviour, I can only change my reaction to it.  I can't tell you how many times I've said that over and over to myself over the years, in fact I believe I still have that phone text on my phone to remind me.

I won't go into the whole sorry year that we were at odds, but over the last few years we have both been trying.  I wonder sometimes if we will ever get back to the way we were.  We used to talk on the phone every day, sometimes a couple of times a day.  But now it may be the duty call once a week, even sometimes more than a week goes past.   We used to see each other often, despite that I lived 2 hours away.  Now I see her when there is a reason, and there have been times I've popped down there, did what I needed to do in Geelong and then came home without even telling her I've been in town.  You kind of get my drift.

So today in the mail I was surprised to receive a card from my mum.   I was wondering what the occasion was until I opened it and read the words, which I want to share with you here.

In case you can't read it, it says:  

"Dear Carol.  

You should be so proud of yourself to where you have reached.  

I am very proud of what you have achieved 

and you have made some wonderful life long friends on your journey.  

Keep up the good work.  

Lots of love, Mum xxxx"

Now I know there's been a bit of work in both our camps, mum and I over the years, but this, this unexpected card full of love and pride, just wow.

12WBT, the World's Best Ever !

Anyone get the Woman's Day this week?  What a thrill to open the little booklet that was attached which held the World's Best Ever Diets and see Michelle Bridges 12WBT there on page 8.

The photograph also of Angela Wallace, I remember way back when, on those fateful three days that I heard the term "12wbt" by three separate people and went about and visited my friend Mr. Google, and it was Angela Wallace's site that was one of the first sites that came up, and set me on this path I am on.  Inspiring!

So go Mish !!!   We already knew this was one of the world's best ... no hang it ... THE WORLD'S BEST LIFESTYLE.  

So anyway I was reading the little booklet  and there were pages on the different types of exercise and I was reading out the Overview of Running, in particular the sentence:

"Running is also good for our mental health, as it helps release mood-boosting endorphins."

Without missing a beat Mike answered "Well you got an overload of those endorphins on Sunday, you never stopped talking the whole way home". 

Hmmmm.  I must admit, it did take me a while to come down off of whatever I was on.

Surf T Surf ... I did it !

So today was it, the Warrnambool Surf T Surf and I woke up nervous, tried to get my number straight on my shirt about five times, couldn't get the timing chip to thread through my laces without going through the netting on my runners, arrrgh!  We left just after 7am to ensure we would get there, find a park and get to the Race Brief by 8am.  Walking down the Flagstaff Hill roundabout to Lake Pertobe a sense of foreboding came over me.  This was a freaking big hill and was one we would have to run up in the first minutes of the run.  I despaired.  Sense of bravado in this photo though!

Met up with some of our awesome Warrnambool & Surrounds 12wbt crew, everyone was pumped, excited, nerves setting in.  Mike was chief photographer for us, snapping photos of our group.  He just kept taking photos of anyone I was yakking to!  Looking pretty fresh here, before the race.

Trish, Lisa, Jane and I.

The amazing inspirational Debbie with me

I'm beginning to see a pattern emerging - what's with my hands on hips look?!!

Soon enough it was time for the 10K to start and a number of our group were off.  15 mins later the 6K were called to line up.  I was nearly jumping out of my skin by this stage.  A quick hug to my friend Jane who was running with her entire family and we were off.  There I am in the throng of runners.

Chugging up that first hill was a real effort.  A number of runners had started walking almost straight away, but I kept plugging at it breathing heavily, and got to the top still at a slow run, around Canon Hill to the dirty angel, still running, not fast, but running.  Got past the PAC and a bit down Liebig Street and my legs were screaming.  Walked about 20 paces and set off running again.  That was the theme to my run.  Ran as much as I could then walked 20-30 paces then set off again.  The hills nearly did me in but I knew if I could make it to the tops I was able to run down.

At the stage at about the 3K mark where the route turned and met up with the 10K runners who had done another 4K out to Hopkins River, I was passed by a few of my workmates who were running the 10.  Calls of encouragement to me were just what I needed, and at one stage when I started walking up a bit of a hill at Timor Street, I will never forget a big booming voice coming up behind me ordering me ... "COME ON CAROL PICK UP THOSE LEGS, GET YOURSELF RUNNING, SCALE THAT HILL, YOU CAN DO IT!!"  It was one of the fellas from my work who is also in the Army, who was barking out orders to me like a drill Sergeant and got me up and over the hill.

It was so encouraging to see people had set up chairs on their nature strips and were calling out and clapping too.  If there is a power of people willing each other to keep going this was it.

I rounded the corner back to the dirty angel at a pace and needed to walk a bit back at Canon Hill when I saw my friend Esther from Bendigo snapping photos which got me running again.  She had been camping at Port Fairy and came to see the spectacle.

Back down that blasted first hill back to Lake Pertobe, oh the joy of running down hill, and then I could hear the loudspeaker and see the flags and all the people cheering as the runners got to the last 100 meters.  I ran through that finish line red faced and could feel the tears prick.   I had done it.  I'd estimate I ran 3/4 of the event and walked only about 1/4;  and did the 6K in 45 mins 8 seconds.  I was aiming to do it under 60mins so was thrilled with the result.  I came 400th in a field of 424 finishers in the 6K run.  Something to work on.

I really need to work on my goofy faces - me at the finish line

Legs were wobbly and I could see Mike grinning madly snapping the camera.  And soon enough we were celebrating with our fabulous 12wbt girls, hugs and squeals that we all had faced our own particular challenges and demons, all accomplished.

RED FACED AFTER THE RACE!!

with the most supportive group of ladies I could ever hope to meet

so lucky I am a part of Warrnambool & Surrounds !

What a high I was on.  Have never felt quite like it.  And quite frankly I want more, I feel like this is just the beginning!  And the thrill for me to end the day was meeting the great Steve Moneghetti.

And having said of all this and regaled you with the story of the day, the one person I couldn't have done this without his support or belief in me on my weight loss journey and my fitness goals and running dreams, is Mike. My husband has been my own personal cheer squad  and has encouraged me every step of the way.  Tonight he said  "I'm so proud of you, you've come such a long way and turned a real corner today, you can do it, nothing is impossible."

Thank you honey.  :-)

Week 8 Mini Milestone Challenge

It's that time for another mini milestone challenge.  Other challenges I've done have been group challenges, I've paired up with some other 12wbt'ers and we've climbed mountains, scaled volcano craters, completed PT sessions and done some pretty amazing tasks.  This one I'm doing solo.  Well kind of, but not, I guess.  There are quite a number of the Warrnambool & Surrounds 12wbt crew doing it also, I think at last count about 12 all on their own journeys.  But for me this journey is a solo task, one that I said well and truly way back at the start, way back in May last year, that I wanted to run the Surf T Surf.

I remember being at a PT session with my friend Anna, she was striding out on the treadmill and I was gasping for breath on the next treadmill, thinking I wouldn't even make it to 100 metres.  I remember pie in the sky stuff saying "hey, I want to do the Surf T Surf next January".  Mind you, that was 8 months away, real pie in the sky stuff.

If I remember back then, the look of horror on my husband's face when I boldly announced it to him too.  YOU?  Run?  And yet here I am 8 months later, running!

So for me tomorrow I am entered into the 6K Surf T Surf fun run, perhaps not a huge distance for some, but for me it may as well be a marathon.  I've never run 6K in my life.  I have no doubt there will be a fair bit of shuffling involved, particularly when I've taken note of all the hills I'm going to have to run.  But as one of the group says, it's just one foot in front of the other, oooookay.   For me tomorrow is all about finishing and ticking that task/goal/job/promise to myself, whatever I want to call it off my list.

• Running gear all freshly laundered - check.
• Favourite socks sitting tucked into my runners - check.
• Sports bra at the ready - check.
• Bib and timing chip ready to attach - check.
• Petrol in the car to get there (petrol station won't be open on a Sunday that early) - check.
• Non-wedgy-knickers (most important!!) - check.

And now after that bold announcement 8 months ago, my husband is my biggest cheer squad and keeps squashing any doubts that I have that arise from time to time.  He will be there watching me take off and still waiting there cheering me when I get back.

Wish me luck that I don't go and burst a foofer valve  :-)

Let's hope this is me tomorrow   :-)

Then and now

A bit of a shock to the system tonight.  I've been going through the photos from New Years Eve and popping them on a memory stick for my step-daughter, and I was reminiscing that her engagement party was at the same venue as her 21st birthday party back in May.  And then it hit me that that was when pre-season of Round 2 of 2012 was in full swing, I had just started 12wbt and I was at the point of changing habits.  So I delved back in the computer for those 21st birthday photographs and talk about being slapped in the face.

I mean I know I've changed, of course I do, but this is the same face that looks back at me from the mirror each and every day when I'm brushing my teeth or putting some make up on.  You kind of just see it evolve over time.  But to have a then and now laid bare in front of you it's a bit of a shock to the system.

I showed Mike when I had them both up on the screen in front of me and in his typical male fashion he dived in with both size 9's and ended up with a serious case of foot in mouth.

"Oh wow honey, you were so much fatter in the face back then".

Err wrong answer buster.  The correct ding-ding-ding-you-win-the-prize answer would have been "Oh wow honey, you are so much thinner now."

He has much to learn.

A very special night

Last night was not just New Years Eve, the celebration of winding up 2012 and heading into a brand new future in 2013, but it was also my step-daughter's engagement party, a masquerade one at that!

I'm a bit sad to see 2012 finish, it was the year where I started to rediscover myself.  I weighed in on Monday so I could know exactly how much weight I had lost last year.  26.1 kilograms gone.

That's 26.1 kilograms of frustration, sadness, embarrassment, pain, and a whole lot of heartache.  And funnily enough I don't want to forget any of it.  I want to remember it so I know that I have a bright and shining future full of health and vitality and I never have to go back to those feelings due to my weight.  They are there, they represent my past, and are something I do want to remember so I can compare it to how amazingly good I feel right now.

And yet I am excited to find out what 2013 will bring.  Mish asked us to name our top five goals for 2013, and they didn't have to be weight related.  I thought long and hard about them, and this is what I came up with.


MY TOP FIVE GOALS FOR 2013:

1. Get more organised, sometimes I think I'm flying by on a wing and a prayer, I'm organised in some facets of my life, but not others, so I want to be all round organised.

2. More outdoor activities enjoying our beautiful area - hiking, bushwalking, etc.

3. Achieve my goal weight, whatever that may be.

4. Strange one but wear more dresses. I've always been a trousers/jeans/pants girl and I think I wore a dress twice last year (once to my stepson's 18th recently, and once to the finale party). So I'm going to make a considered effort to buy and wear more dresses.

5. Love the person that I am becoming, she's pretty okay!


So right, they are out there into the great universe.  I now have to set about and make them happen.

I mentioned that New Years Eve was not just a celebration of the New Year, but also my step-daughter's engagement party.  We are usually boring on NYE, stay home, maybe see some friends, watch the fireworks on telly.  Not yesterday.  We had a fine time, dressing up, dining out, and afterwards watching the fireworks in town.  And well I certainly set about to ensure number 4 had a good start on it made.

I had planned to wear the dress I wore to finale to Miss T's engagement party, and yet, it was a tad too big.  I delved into my wardrobe and still on the hanger, still with tags, was a beautiful red dress I bought absolutely YEARS ago.  It never fitted.  It was one of those dresses that was a classic and I hoped that one day I would fit.  Yesterday was the day.  It fitted perfectly.   A quick pic in the front yard before we left.

I FELT A MILLION DOLLARS !!!!!!!!!!!!

A couple of other favourite photos of the night.  When you hand your "big girl" camera over to someone else to take a photo you don't know what you're going to come away with, this was the only one that really turned out of all four of us.  

Oh did I mention, it was a masquerade party!!  Funny thing was we didn't know the colour scheme of what they were wearing, and we matched perfectly.

At midnight we went to watch the fireworks, it wasn't a long show of them, perhaps 4 to 5 minutes. I've never photographed fireworks before and I had done my homework and was thrilled with this shot.  

It was the perfect end to the most magical night of the perfect year.  All thanks to Mish and 12wbt for giving me the tools, the courage and the belief in myself that I can do it.  And continue on doing it.  Words cannot even express my gratitude.

Happy New Year everyone.