I don't mind telling you I'm visiting Struggle Town at the moment. I started the round on a positive note and already the complacency has set in. Not about the exercise though, and not about the running, it seems to be mostly about the eating.
Oh I'm very good in public, good portion sizes, good healthy eating, refusing sweets and biscuits is easy.
But in private ...... oh that's another story!
The secret eating in the car has crept back in, popping into the supermarket on the way home from work on the guise of getting something we need, yoghurt, bread, tea bags or whatever, and popping a chocolate bar or the like in with the shopping to munch on my drive home (a 40 min drive means I can well and truly finish whatever and hide the evidence).
Has it come to this? Who do I think I'm fooling?
Not only that but from my best ever weigh in of 30 kg loss completely, 6 kg has crept back on. That's 6 extra kg to lug around the streets when I'm running. 6 extra kg to add pressure to my knees on each pace I take. 6 extra kg tightening my work clothes.
It has to stop.
I need to string more than one day together.
So I have the rest of the round, not to mention the half marathon looming at the end of it, to get myself under control and hit my goal. So taking the lead from the fabulous
Kate of Coco Butter fame, I'm calling this
OPERATION 70's.
I am aiming to get to 79.9kg by the end of this round and know I will be in the best shape I've ever been in. I have currently crept back up to 88kg and it scares the bejingos out of me that I'm slowly gaining my weight back. There, I've said it out loud. Is it possible to claw my way back down? I hope so. No, I know so!
OPERATION 70'S HAS BEGUN...
And I need to include here my reasons why I *NEED* to do this, so I can read back on them when times get tough.
Because I'm going to become a grandmother in June:
I remember my two grandparents. Well my paternal nanna died when I was young so I remember her mainly from photographs, rather than a physical sense. She was a large imposing woman and all the photos I have of me with her she looks awkward and not at all comfortable with me, like for instance this one:
I don't want that for my grandchild. I want to be the fun nanna, the one that runs around and plays with him. I want to be the active one, that he wants to come stay with because there's always fun activities that nanna and grumpy will join in with. And for that I need to lose the rest of this weight and be as healthy and as active as I can be to stay young. There's a little one on the way and this is so important to me.
Because I'm going to be 50 in September:
I'm not fazed about turning 50, that doesn't worry me. But what does concern me is that when I turned 30 I was as thin as I have ever been, and so for the last almost 20 years I feel like I have wasted facets of my life. Until I found 12wbt. Until I really found my life again. And my voice. It's important to me and to Mike as well, that we get as healthy as we can be as we get older, and that means both of us dropping the rest of the weight we want to drop.
Because I love to run:
To run with weight on just adds stress and pressure to the joints and the muscles and it's just a plain hard slog. Who knew that at age 48 I would discover a love of running. The only thing I regret is that I didn't work this out years ago. But I love the feeling of freedom, the sense of achievement. And to make things easier on my joints and muscles and recovery, I need to be lighter and springier, and that means lose the bloody weight! Why can't I get that in my head. It needs to sink in.
Because I DESERVE IT:
I deserve to feel wonderful and sexy and confident. I deserve to wear nice clothes and receive compliments. I deserve to be the best that I can possibly be. And what better reason to do this once and for all.
There are four really good reasons why I need to get this weight off, so now I have put this down and it's out there sent to the universe, I will read it whenever I need to until it becomes second nature.
Operation 70's has begun in earnest.