Do you see what I see?

I have that singing in my head now, but my point is, I think sometimes we have such a skewed vision of ourselves in our head.  It's strange really.   I look at photographs of myself when I was at my utmost worst and I don't recognise the person looking back at me.  I know it's me, don't get me wrong, but I wonder ... did I ever look that bad ??????

Obviously I did.

It tears me up now looking back at some of the photos of me.  I had mentioned previously I had mastered the art of the "lean over the shoulder technique" for a no double chin photo, but of course there were lots of photos caught unawares, or that there was no available shoulder to drape myself over! ha.   And there are the photos where looking back at them I thought I was looking pretty good but eeek, not so.

I like that with 12wbt, it's not just about the number on the scale, we have so many measuring techniques that if the numbers are failing us, we can see our success in other ways.  Measurement and visual.

Now I don't think the www here is quite ready to see the before/after photo of myself in my undies.  It was quite daunting loading it up onto the 12wbt site knowing someone was going to be looking at them.  And to be honest it was even more daunting getting my husband to take a photo of me like that, warts and all.  Maybe one day when I get close to my ideal weight I will show the world how far I've come in all my glory.  But not just yet.

However I will show you a head shot.  The first from my step-daughter's 21st birthday in May this year, around about when Round 2 of 12wbt started.    And a photo of me yesterday.   I can see a difference, I hope you can too.

And I was feeling so good yesterday I decided to go the whole way and get Mike to take a full length shot of me, on my own!  Woo hoo.   Now don't ask me why I decided to stand like a tea pot, I have no idea.   But I was so pleased with how I looked, being extra critical of myself.

And for those that know me, and know I can do know a trick or two with photoshop, I promise these photos are straight out of the camera, no manipulation has taken place whatsoever!   Actually even my camera bag looks bigger than my bum now! 

Obviously still quite a ways to go, but definitely committed to the journey !!   

Round 2 over !

Well a slight interruption in blogging there whilst I was racing for the finish line.   Round 2 is over.   Wow.   I remember logging onto 12wbt for the first time and seeing all those weeks ahead of me ready to be unlocked as time went on and thought 12 weeks is forever away, I'll never make it.   But make it I did.  And I'm beyond thrilled.

So although I commenced at 112.3kg, that was at the start of pre-season to the round so for my own personal records that's where my journey began.   However the start of the Round 2 I commenced at 108, and here are my official stats with only one slight blimp in the radar where I gained 200grams I think it was.

It's quite mind blowing to think I have lost over 10% of my body.  Gone.  Never to be found again.  Good riddance I say.  

I love that this program encompasses so many facets to weight loss.   Not just the numbers on the scale, but the measurements and the fitness levels, along with the mind.

I'm finding it mindblowing that I have lost 10.5 cm in my waist and 9.5cm in my hips.   I'm now fitting into clothes I have never fitted into ... still with tags in my cupboards!!    I'm taking so much more care with how I dress now too.  Okay sure I have a looooooong way to go still, but the journey is pretty incredible.   

My fitness too, I remember that first time trial I did with the terrific ladies from the 12wbt Warrnambool & Surrounds group.  I thought I was going to die I'm sure.   My heart was beating through my chest, I didn't quite know just how long a kilometre was to run!   And my PB (still with the olympic talk!!) is 39 seconds better.   Yahoo.  

Amazingly though the wall sit.  I remember that first wall sit I collapsed, literally in a pile on the floor in 11 seconds flat!  My legs were shaking and just couldn't hold me.   By week 12, I was doing a 1 minute 15 wall sit.  My legs were still shaking, but so much stronger.  I still need to master the whole push ups on the toes.   That can be a commitment to achieve for my fitness for Round 3.

Speaking about commitment...

One of the tasks heading into this round is to say it out loud and give a commitment.   This is mine:

My commitment is to myself, to my husband and family, to my health, to my future, and to you Michelle. A big turning point to me in round 2 was actually telling my husband my weight. Wow. What a load off. That really commited me, it was out there into the universe. I commit to continue on this path, as long as it takes to get to the end. I am a woman of my word. I commit to continue the exercise. I commit to continue blogging. I commit to reach out to the 12wbt family for support. I commit to the universe. Yep, hear that universe. I COMMIT TO YOU! This is it. No turning back now, I'm on the journey and I don't half do things at all.

Having said that though, the scary thing is I have done all this before, back in my 30's.  But no more.   I am going to achieve it this time.

Now ... having just said about loving the whole clothes aspect to this weight loss, I have a Bush Dance to go to tonight, pretty left field for us, but boy I'm looking forward to kicking up my heels, and just quietly I have a new pair of burgundy coloured jeans I'm dying to wear.   Woooo hooooo!!!  Mike won't be losing me on the dance floor tonight!  

Planning ahead

I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl, and one thing this program has taught me is planning is the way to success.   So here we are, early Sunday evening, my gym clothes are out ready for tomorrow, I have the dog's breakfast already mixed ready to go into the bowls, my work clothes are packed neatly in my bag to change into after gym, and I have things all done here so I can go to bed at a decent time and not still be doing the Sunday night run around finishing things I planned to do all weekend.

I think I'm good.

I wasn't perhaps overly good last night.  We had a special meal here, eldest step daughter and boyfriend came for dinner, our first real one on one time with the boyfriend.  And it was such a nice night.  I think they've been doing it a bit skint so I planned a really nice dinner, roast pork, all the trimmings and apple crumble for dessert.

I will admit, I did indulge.  But I was mindful of it.  I guess the change in me has been that in times past it would be mindless eating.  Okay so I was mindful of the calories going in.   But also mindful of the exercise that was going to have to counteract it.  So that's a good thing right?  Or am I totally on the wrong track there?

Anyway all in all it was a TERRIFIC night and I wouldn't have changed the menu a bit.  It was nice seeing happy faces and full bellies.

I've also worked out today that gardening is a GREAT exercise for the arms.  Oh Lordy Lord my arms are aching, as I tackled the disaster that my garden has become.  Holy heck, there was some weed pulling going on today.

So here we are in the final days of the program and I'm signing up for another 12 weeks.   I know this is what I need to do, to be quite frank, this is it.  This is me finding myself and a lot of discoveries on the way.

Have a great week ahead.

Ouch!

My first gain in the program.  And sure it was only 200 grams.  But it still hurt to put it on my ticker, to see my graph nudge up just a wee little bit.

I haven't been vigilant.  I haven't been writing down my calories.  I'm nearly at the end and I pure and simple slackened off.  And now I know I can't do that.  I can't run before I walk.

&#(*$&@$#)@(*@(*QQE#W*W(&#$*)(@    <<insert bad words there>>

So the moral of this story:

So back to the drawing board I go.   And it's movie night tomorrow night with the girls and the phone message said "somewhere exotic for dinner?"   Urrgh.   I'm just playing it by ear.

Families, hmmmph...

I want to talk about saboteurs.  Flip that's a horrid word to spell, I think I've still spelt it wrong.   Or maybe not even saboteurs, but words unspoken.

I'm not meaning this post to be a downer, but recently I went back home to visit family and attend my nephew's first communion.   Now my mum has known I've been on 12wbt since the start, the last time I saw her was on Mother's Day so right at the start of the pre-season.  I tell her on the phone how much I've lost each week.  She knows it's significant because I always translate it into pounds for her so she gets it.

So I was expecting, perhaps sadly so, a bit more of a reaction from her.   I had my beautiful new bright green coat on and when I arrived and took it off, she didn't say a word.  I had to actually point at myself and say "WELL?".  And all I got was a "oh yes, that's terrific, look at you" and then she went on to talk about every single flipping person in the neighbourhood and what they were up to.

That was it.   I tried not to take it personally.

On the other hand earlier in the morning the same scenario with my sister-in-law (who had only found out the night before on the phone how much weight I had lost) and I took my coat off and OMG, she was jumping up and down, screaming, hugging me, more jumping up and down together and really made my day.  And the look of shock and pure and utter delight on her face was so precious.

How different the reactions were.  And I still can't work it out.    :-(

We're in the home straight

I can't believe we're up to Week 10.  I must admit when I started pre-season and then the 12 weeks started in earnest, I couldn't imagine being this far into the program.  I had no real pre-conceived ideas as to how far I personally could go, or just how much on board my husband is with me, which has been great.  I guess I didn't want to hope against hope.  But here we are and I'm 14.1 kg down since pre-season commenced and I'm feeling pretty darn good about myself.

I was asked recently if I was going to do another round.   Well I am here for the duration.  I'm with 12wbt for as long as it takes, I've made that pact with myself.   I'm a bit of a checklist nut, so I like the Wednesdays, being able to weigh in and log on and post my weight.  I like that accountability.

I also am so proud that I got another email from Mish telling me I was still in the top 15 percent.  Woo hooo!!!  I know there's probably hundreds, if not thousands, doing the challenge at any given time, but it does make it more personal getting something like this.

I've been cooking up a storm here.  Last night we had the Sweet & Sour Pork again, OMG it is sooooo good! Mike kept saying "but it doesn't taste like diet food".  I kept answering him that it isn't diet food, it's just healthy cooking.   And today I've made the Thai Pumpkin soup which we had for lunch, and the remainder is being frozen.  Plus I've made my favourite Penang Chicken to freeze, I love being able to grab one of those out of the freezer on nights Mike may be going to a meeting, or if he wants a big bit of t-bone steak or something I'm not prepared to eat for myself.  And lastly I'll be making the banana bread in a moment, which I bake in muffin pans, which make for a quick and easy breakfast if I'm doing gym before work.  I've decided that the muffin pan idea was so much better than trying to cut the loaves for freezing, plus they are then a more uniformed size.

So have a great week ahead everyone!  Week 10, wow!