Wednesday Weigh In & some Unexpected Motivation

Well Wednesday Weigh In has rocked around again and there was a wee bit of apprehension for me hopping on the scales, particularly after Miss T's 21st birthday party.  Even though I was good, I'm still not upping the exercise yet to the level it should be.  I need to work on that.

But I whooped in delight when I saw a .5 reduction on the scales.   That's a 4.3 kg loss in pre-season.  I couldn't be more pleased.   My work trousers have gotten loser and one of the lasses at work even mentioned it today, although she's the one I went to the PT session with, so she knows all about this adventure I'm on.

One thing I am getting better at is the water intake.  So much so that these cold days have me running to the loo every five minutes!  Well perhaps not every five minutes, but it feels like it.   I saw this quote, ha!  Perfect.  I've certainly been hydrating myself!

Today we had a course away from the office where lunch was provided and again that filled me with dread.   But maybe we're becoming a healthier workplace, because the lunch that was delivered was a big platter of meat and salad wraps, absolutely delicious and a huge platter of fruit.  SCORE!

As for the second title of this post ... Unexpected Motivation.  Hmmmm.

Okay so we'll back up, Mish wants us to set goals and work towards those goals.  One of my goals is to learn to run, and quite frankly the 20 paces I can run before I get puffed out, I run like Phoebe from Friends.  Not good.  So I would like to learn to run AND enjoy it.

So I'm sitting there browsing through some sites on my iPad earlier and announced to hubby that I might work towards doing a fun run and I found one in January in Warrnambool that was either 6 k's or 10 k's.  And I thought well let's see, there's seven full months of preparation.  That's do-able right?  So I look at hubby and there's a smirk on his face, which when he saw my dark glower at him he quickly extinguished said smirk.

Now he's very supportive in my weight loss endeavours, but I figure he's heard it all before.  And I know I've said it before, but I truly believe that this time it's different.  I think this time, this program is tackling the head space, not just the body.  But when I saw that smirk I thought RIGHT YOU, GAME ON!!!   I'll show him.  Nothing like wanting to prove a point to give a person the motivation they need.

Red flag

I had a red flag event on Saturday, my step-daughter's 21st birthday party.  The party consisted of a meal at a very nice restaurant in town, delicious food.  I don't mind telling you I was so worried that my resolve would be completely out the window.  I scanned the menu and wonder of wonders I didn't want to destroy all the hard work of the last few weeks and I chose a vegetarian meal.  And it was delicious!

I will admit to having the tiniest slice of cake though.  But in days gone by it would have been the biggest slab on the plate I'd have gone for.  I just wanted to be able to have the smallest taste being that it was a very special cake.  

And I made it through the night.  And I felt fantastic that I hadn't undone all my hard work to date.

So what I learnt from Saturday night:

1.  It can be done.

2.  And more importantly, I can do it (because I know it can be done, but whether I would do it would be another story).

3.  A good look through the menu will almost always find a better option (cross fingers).

4.  The feeling of euphoria you get from surviving a night of food is better than ... well better than chocolate cake!  :-)

5.  There's probably a 5 but I can't think of it right now.

So today I asked Mike to take some 'before' shots of me.  O...M...G.  I swore if he said any wisecracks I would divorce him.  They are horrendous.  Why is it that when you see yourself in a photograph it's way worse than seeing yourself in a mirror?  And I think a part of me inside died a bit when I saw those photos, melodramatic maybe, but I can't even bring myself to put them on here.  Not yet.  I know I've got to get real but I don't think you're ready to see a photo of me in my bra and knickers.  Really.  Maybe one day when you have an 'after' shot to compare, but not just yet.

What I will show you however is a photograph that was taken on Christmas Day 2011.  I was giving the dogs and cat their Christmas presents, and thank goodness the bag I was carrying hid a bit of the roll, but not all.   There have been a number of photographs in the past where I thought heck, this was my turning point.  But no, this one topped them all.  

Funny thing is, I like getting my photo taken, but only when I'm posing how I want to pose.  I have mastered the art of leaning over the back of someone sitting in front of me - that way you hide most of your body and you don't get a double chin.  Ha!  Apart from photos like this which are usually soon destroyed, I think I'll have a whole decade of photographs where it looks like I've become an appendage to someone's back.  

That's it for now.    Looking forward to a strong and positive week ahead.

A great night and a big achievement!

I had the first PT session tonight.   I'm joining a group of ladies who each Thursday after work hire a personal trainer and just divvy up the cost between them.  It was fabulous.

I know I have to really get moving with the 12wbt, but to be honest I'm not really an exerciser, well not in recent years, OBVIOUSLY!    I've never been into sports either, only what I had to endure at school.  In my teens and young adult years I was in a brass band and I would kid myself that that was great exercise.   Marching and playing would take a lot out of you, yanno!  Not to mention some of the big overtures and major works, you would be physically spent after playing for 15 to 20 minutes non stop.  But I was fooling myself, I know.

Years ago when I lived back in Geelong I used to go to Fernwood regularly, and loved it, I'd also walk to work every day.  But that was in the lead up to our wedding and after that I moved to the country and have lead quite a sedentary lifestyle, my main exertion was a walk around the lake or to walk the dogs.

But it's changing now and I know it's all part and parcel of 12wbt.  And tonight I burnt (is that the right word?) 352 calories.  And yes I know I'm meant to get to 500 calories but I'll get there, I know I will.  The trainer was wonderful, but now my legs ache, my arms ache, my sides ache, but it's a good ache!  :-)

So that was the great night, now are you wondering what my big achievement was?

I got home and had to bake for a cake stall tomorrow.  I baked 70 chocolate chip cookies tonight to bag up to sell.  70 of the most delicious mind-blowing chocolate chip cookies you would ever taste, with one of the ingredients being condensed milk (OMG just the thought of it has me drooling).

And you know what?

I didn't sneak a chocolate chip,
I didn't lick the beaters,
I didn't scoop any mixture out of the bowl to savour,
I washed my hands straight under water after rolling them into balls,
I haven't even tasted the finished product,
I bagged them all up, tied them with ribbon,
70 of them,
That is seven-oh
Oh my!

I feel so darn proud of myself I could burst.   Maybe a silly thing to beat my chest about, but it's an achievement for me for sure.

Wednesday Weigh In

Well Wednesday is the day we weigh in.  We're still in pre-season but it's good to get into the habit.  So I was eager to jump on the scales first thing (really makes me think back to those Weight Watcher weigh ins in latter years where I would be biting my nails wondering what the scales would tell me).

And whoop!   A loss of 1.1 kg for the week.   I'm elated.

That's 3.8 kg GONE GONE GONE!

And never coming back!

So exhausted tonight though, after all the packing of the boxes on Tuesday for work, it was moving day today and unpacking everything.  I hurt in parts of me I never knew existed.

Roll on tomorrow, I'm going to a personal trainer group after work.  I'm so happy.

I hurt !

And not in the normal sense of exercise either.  We're moving offices at work tomorrow so a lot of preparation today packing boxes, 450 personnel files into boxes that we had to make up from flat packs and I did half of it all on my own.  ON MY OWN!   And it was probably the best work out I have had for a long time.   All that bending and stretching and down on the floor to make a box, then standing up to load it, then back on the floor again.  I was sweating like there was no tomorrow.

And now I swear every part of me hurts!

And tomorrow after the move, we get to do it all again in reverse.  All for the cause right?

Whilst I'm on the subject of exercise, I'm not great at it.  I have been quite the couch potato which has gotten me in the state I am in.   I've never played sport except way back in the dark ages when I was at school.  My only real form of exercise in recent times has been walking the dogs.  

Since the 12wbt pre-season started, I have been moving though and I know I'll get back to enjoying it.  I am even going to the gym on Thursday to be part of a personal trainer session with a lass from work and her friends, they hire a trainer for an hour and however many of them turn up, they divide the cost between them.   I aim for this to be a regular thing.

So back to exercise, I should introduce to you my little training buddy.  His name is Lucky.   He's obviously been playing  hard today because this is how he ends up!   There is no shame is there?  What can I say.

This little guy loves getting out and about, and on the weekend when I "attempted" jogging and did laps of the backyard, he followed me every step of the way.  He probably thought I was nuts, as did the neighbours, but I was out there moving and that was what was important.

Getting the head right

I came across an image/quote today on Pinterest, oh how I love that site!!!!   This really resonated with me as I realised I had hopped on the scales 10 times in the past 10 days.   If truth be known, it was probably a few times more than 10 times in the past 10 days but we won't go there right now.

And I realised when I saw this great quote what a mind game this whole weight loss is.   And how powerful our mind can be if only we used it for good and not evil !!

So the first step is to acknowledge this right?  Because to acknowledge it means I can fight it.  Fight the demons that may think I need to be treated with food, need to give myself a break because I've had a hard day, to hide in the corner when I think people are looking at me sideways.   I need to be accountable to what goes on in my head and be strong enough to push the negative feelings away.

First things first, I need to stop weighing myself every single day.  I don't want to become a slave to the number.  I don't want the number first thing in the morning to dictate what type of day I am going to have, or what mood I will be in.  I want to get up and feel strong and be counted.

So right here, right now I commit to only Wednesday Weigh-Ins.   You heard it here first.

:-)

New blog

I blog.  I've blogged for years and enjoy it.   But I wanted to start a new blog to track this journey I am on to discover the me that I know is still inside me and I want to meet her again.

I'm fat.

There I've said it.  It's out there for the world to see.  Or perhaps one or two people that may read along.  But most importantly it's me admitting it.  Sending it out into the great universe.

I ACKNOWLEDGE IT.

Oh I'm the master at disguising it, although right now there's no real disguising it at all.   But I've done all the sucking in, shoulders back, wearing black, posing in photos with my head over the shoulder of someone (no full body shots and no double chins that way!!!) I've done it all.  And I'm sick of it.  And it's made me tired.

I've been a yo yo all my life.  I remember back to my 30th birthday, I had just done Weight Watchers and was almost down to my goal weight.  Hey, I was wearing shirts tucked into my jeans with a belt on.  I was rockin'.  But it went back on and then some.

I've gone back to Weight Watchers, never quite made it that far again.
I've done Tony Ferguson.
I've done a private dietitian.
There was another attempt at Weight Watchers.
I've done Lite n Easy.
I've even drank boiled parsley water, urrgh, gag.
I've made deals with myself.
I've starved.
I've gone low carbs, no carbs, high protein, milkshakes.
I've done it all.

And now I'm fast approaching 50 and I'm tired.

Then a couple of weeks ago three completely unrelated people in my life who have no connection to each other mentioned 12WBT.   One, two three.   Coincidence?  I got onto Google and read and read and read and sometimes cried.  I've gone onto You Tube and did a lot of crying.   The stories, the photographs, the philosophy.

12 Week Body Transformation with the amazing Michelle Bridges.

Something clicked. I signed up immediately.

I'm in the middle of pre-season and even the small changes I've made to my life are working.   And I'm feeling so pumped and strong and in control.  Sure that might be fleeting, but I am really going to give this a red hot go.  And already in pre-season I've lost 2.7 kg.   Wonderful.

This is the start of my journey.  My FINAL journey to finding that girl that I used to know and I really liked her, I want to meet up with her again.