I had a little melt down last night

I don't know what came over me, but I ended up in a puddle of tears.  I think it was the culmination of a long road, two rounds almost done and dusted.  My mum is in hospital and I'll be going down to look after her for a few days after she is released, and we're yet to know when that is.  The timing is not great, of course you would do anything for your family, but it's the last week, the last hurrah, I'll be down there with no gym, no support system (as in Mike), no familiarity.  I guess this is where Mish would come in and say this is a good thing, this is where I am able to adapt the skills I have learnt when life throws you a curveball.  But in the last week of the round?   Plus I'm now on three weeks leave from work which is a good thing, but in the lead up to this time off I've worked some fairly long straight days getting things in order so it's easy enough for my counterpart to pick up where I have left off.  And although I'm so pumped for Sydney and the Finale, it's a bit nervewracking too, having never gone to one before.

So the stress of everything completely hit me in the face last night and the tears flowed.  Poor Mike, he doesn't handle people crying very well, even me.  He said all the right things, did all the right things, but it still didn't stem the tears.

So what do I do to make myself feel completely wonderful (NOT!)  Once I composed myself again I get him to take my end of round photograph and they are horrible, we couldn't get it without a big ugly shadow behind me, which made my ass look bigger than it was.   Gaaaaah!

Not a good day yesterday.

But I will take it all on board and learn from it.   And apologise to anyone who crossed my path yesterday and I wasn't my normal happy self.

I will take these words on board and know that day by day things will be habit and curveballs in life will not send me off the deep end.  I guess one thing I know from this, is in the past the stress of everything would have turned me to food, and at least I didn't do that.  So that's a very good thing.

I will leave you with a happy photo taken of me last month on a rare trip to Melbourne.  Mike and I and oldest stepson went to the museum.  The day was dark and gloomy, but I know on this day I was happy and feeling quite chipper in my bright orange scarf.  No one can be sad whilst wearing a bright orange scarf, can they?!!!    :-)

Having said that, I better go grab that scarf and pop it in my suitcase, I'll need to resurrect that happy chipper self in the next few days looking after my mum.

Move over Mish, there's a new Trainer in town!

Yep, and he goes by the name of MY HUSBAND!   I believe that somehow in his many years of bagpipe playing - reed making - and - whiskey drinking it has seemingly made him more qualified than Mish in telling me how to exercise.   :-)

He knows I'm really wanting to be in the 80's by finale (89.9 and I'd be ecstatic) and I know he's trying to be encouraging and helpful, but now he's telling me how to exercise, working out what days of the week would be best suited to gym and what days to home.  And what times of the day would be best suited to my jogging. etc etc.  You get my drift?  Mind you, my husband does not exercise, so don't for a minute think he knows what he's talking about.

Gotta love him.

Because I'm going to be away for about 5 days over the time we'd normally be doing the time trial, measurements, etc at the end of the round, I've done mine this week already, ready to upload.  OH MY!   As normal I had hubby time me and doing the wall sit the other night, all the while he's timing he's doing the "come on baaaaabe, you can doooooo eeeeeet" and the whole pep talk non-stop throughout the sit "just a little bit more, come ooooooon".  You know I love this man to bits, but all I wanted him to do was count me on the clock so I knew how I was going.  In the end I yelled out "WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND COUNT" !    Oh I sound so ungrateful don't I?

How come I can get so crotchety ?!?!?!

So the end is nigh, last week of this Round.   And finally I'm jogging properly out in the street.  It's really strange, I can jog on the treadmill, I guess because of the rhythm and the bounciness, but out on the street its a different story entirely.  I usually can't string 500 metres together without having to walk to catch my breath.

But I am proud to say I can now jog 1 kilometre non-stop in the street.  I've been out there of a morning running around the neighbourhood.  Actually the first morning I made it around the big block (which is just over 1km) and got back home, I ran down the driveway with my arms up in the air as if I was finishing the great marathon with the imaginary crowd cheering my name!!  I swear the neighbours must think I'm nuts.   Ahh well, I add a bit of excitement in the street.

So one thing I have learnt this week, particularly when I despaired of ever being able to jog out there is ...

For those doing 12wbt, have a great last week of the round and smash those scales in the final weigh in.

Oh ... I don't mean actually SMASH them, you do realise! ha.  Figuratively.

Another great new experience

I've been full of new experiences this round with 12wbt, and it's been fabulous.  To be honest, I can say this has been a wonderful WONDERFUL year of new experiences and I'm embracing each and every one.

Lynn from the Warrnambool & Surrounds 12wbt group put the shout out to see if we'd like to go to a Zumba Master Class.  Well me having two left feet, very unco-ordinated, have in the past lusted after Zumba (not in a stalkerish way mind you!!! ha) but quite envious of all the moving and shaking and thinking I'd never be able to do that.   But what the heck, in for a penny, in for a pound (showing my age here!!)  So being the "event junkie" that Mike likes to call me now, my hand shot up as fast as it could go.

Wow!  What a work out.  It went for near on two hours, I was exhausted but totally pumped.  I zigged when I should have zagged, I turned when I should have about faced, but you know what?  I didn't stop.  And that's the main thing.    Had a totally wonderful time with Lynn, Casey and Debbie, who also came.

In fact, I thought I was going so well, when I got home I thought I might try some of my new Zumba moves out on Mike.  He took one look at me and said "what's wrong with your hip?".  He thought I was having spasms or something.  Hmmmm, how come in my mind I was moving like a Zumba Queen ... not so apparently.

But it has got me pumped and looking for local classes that will fit in with my work times, so that's a huge plus, another form of exercise to shake this body of mine up.

Other than that here we are at Week 11, this round has gone by so fast.  I'm pumped and looking forward to Sydney coming up ever so fast for Finale, and just quietly spending an exhorbitant amount on this very special weekend - new dress, new shoes, new handbag, new earrings, fun things to do there have been booked and will be ready for us, and so excited to be able to see Michelle up close.   It's so unlike me to be indulgent like this, but you know what, I'm worth it.  :-)   That's one very important lesson I've learnt this round.

Changes

Throughout my journey to date, a lot of changes have been taking place.  Some I've noticed and some I haven't.  And some that have taken me completely by surprise.

I've definitely noticed my rings getting looser, to the point that my engagement ring just spins around my finger now.   I have gone from being someone who had to hold my hand in the air a few minutes so that the blood would run from my fingers to be able to get them off, to now just slipping them off with ease.  I'm almost at the point I'm going to have to get them resized down.  Wow.

And the other day I was in the car at the traffic lights, just sitting, waiting for the lights to turn green, and something made me try to put left hand around my right wrist and MY FINGERS TOUCHED !!!!  I could circle my wrist completely.  That hasn't happened a very very long time.

Sometimes the simplest things like that can make you feel like you're walking six foot tall all day and give you a genuine thrill.

And there's other changes that hit you in the face, literally.   Mike keeps telling me how much my face is changing, actually a few people have said that now.  To be honest I haven't really noticed.  I mean, it's the same face I look into every day in the mirror, the same eyes staring back at me.

So last night I sat down and went through some photos of me from throughout this year.  When I went back to the start of the year looking at photos I saw a stranger looking back at me.  A little bit inside of me died a bit last night looking at my early photos and even now thinking about the feelings that welled up, I'm tearing up as it pains me to see myself and where I started.  And I sit here and wonder how on earth Mike could ever have loved me 20 kilograms ago, when I see this stranger looking back at me.

So because I'm being frank and honest and I need to face things like this to be able to recognise it, own it and move on, here is a small journey of changes to my face that has happened.

My 12wbt journey started on the 4th May 2012, pre-season to Round 2 in 2012.  And I continue to see a bright and wonderful future ahead of me.

A different kind of workout

Mike and I went down to the Camperdown Cruise yesterday.   I have never been to a Rockabilly Festival and it was great.  We loved strolling around looking at the cars and admiring those who were in full 50's garb.  But the best part of the day was signing up for an hour of Rockabilly dance lessons.

Flipping my hips, back and forth, round and round, it was so much fun, so exhausting, worked up a sweat and I honestly finished at the end of the hour realising how those women of the 50's had such teeny tiny waists.   We both felt like we had had a work out like no other.

Amazing how much fun you can have when you are well on the way to becoming fit and healthy.   Dare I even say, it feels like our relationship has received a whole new spark.   :-)

Quote of the Century !!!!

Oh boy, it happened tonight and I was dumbfounded.

Mike looked at me and said :  "You know I've always loved you, but I wish you could see what I am seeing right now, your true beauty is really shining through."

WOW.

Gobsmacked.  

Thank you 12WBT.

That is all.

8 Week Mini Milestone

Although I would hardly call it mini...

WE TOOK ON A MOUNTAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I said we had something big in store for our mini milestone.   Casey being ever the event co-ordinator, put a shout out to the Warrnambool & Surrounds 12WBT crew as to whether we'd be interested in climbing Mount Abrupt in the Grampians last Sunday.  Of course I shot my hand up as quick as I could.  I'm ready to tackle anything at the moment.

And so it began.

Seven eager women met at Dunkeld and onto the mountain we went.   Woah, up close they look even bigger than I know them to be in my jaunts up to Halls Gap.  I don't mind telling you I was nervous.   The smile here on my face belied the fact my legs were already turning to jelly at the thought of the climb.  But I was full of bravado, all the while thinking I was older than probably all of these girls and Mike had put the thought into my head earlier on "know your limitations".  I know he believed I could do it, but I think he was worried.

One thing though that the 12WBT program has taught me is that I have no limitations.  I can do whatever I set my mind to do with determination and strength and sheer mindedness.  

So we set off and soon we were steadily rising and the heart rate was rising with it.  There were spots where the track was pretty good.  Hey this wasn't going to be so bad after all.  Right?

Then there were parts where the track, do I dare even call it a track? was a bit more strenuous.    It was a matter of pick a rock and step and hope it didn't wobble.

Then there were parts that the track was downright ridiculous!    It became a matter of hauling up a rock, grab onto a tree and hoist myself in parts and just pray I didn't tumble.  

There was a sense of feeling very miniscule against the mountain.  I love this photo of Alison and Delise waving to me.  I wonder at the time if they realised that there wasn't much under that overhang they were on!!!

And this just made me giggle, in a rocky clearing someone had decided it was a good place for a Stone Henge to take place.  Despite the wind I can't believe it balanced like that.  It teeter tottered in the wind, but didn't fall.  Crazy!

Alison turned around and took this photo of me a moment after I lost my balance.  I must have been delirious, because I thought it was pretty darn funny that I could have rolly polly'ed all the way back down.

It's a funny climb Mount Abrupt, you have spectacular views of the neighbouring mounts, but not actually to the top of the one you are climbing.   I actually thought we were getting pretty close, then round a bend and this view hits you.  HOW THE HECK AM I GOING TO GET UP THERE????  Those were the words that were ringing in my ears.  Are you freaking kidding me?!!?   That was the top.  

But steady as she goes I kept plodding along, until this beautiful sight hit me.  WE WERE AT THE TOP!!!  We had made it.  So that neither of us were last, Alison and I who were bringing up the rear at that stage, stepped onto that final rock together.  Yahooooooo.  We were on top of the world.

And the view was magnificent.  The wind was strong, the air was cold, and I was elated.  I think I was flushed with achievement.  I wanted to jump up and down, but the wind was so strong I'd probably slip.  I soaked in the view all round, it was just beautiful. 

What a reward seeing how high we were up and that tiny snake of a road all the way down there where we had started from.  Words really can't describe the elation I was feeling.   I quickly took a photo with my phone camera and sent a message to Mike and Sonia (my bestie) ... "I DID IT!!!!".

I can't even describe how windy it was at the top, the photos really don't show it.  One of the cameras were carefully placed on the ground and we got in for a group photo.  We were at the point at that stage that our fingers had started turning blue from the cold and it was time to head down.

Well heading down was a feat in itself.  It was a lot harder getting down than up.  Having to step and land on a rock and a few times my knees buckled from under me, once over balancing and my thigh hitting a tree trunk.  Ouch.   Must admit I did love my new walking boots, I am really going to make good use of them.

So for me, I went up and back (and a bit of time taking photos at the top) in 3 hours 16 minutes.  Not bad.  And I burnt 1127 calories.   Not only that, it cemented more friendships on this crazy 12WBT journey we are on.  

What can I say, we girls became "Queen of the Mountain" last Sunday.   What a milestone.

WE DID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!   And thanks again to Casey for organising it and getting us involved.  I have really become an event junkie and loving every minute of getting out and about and enjoying fresh air, exercise, new friendships and life.